7.21.2006

self portrait as.....

Self portrait as........ Reluctant subject
Have no imagination or patience at the moment despite excellent self portrait theme for the month. Feeling more than slightly blah too. Am back from weekend away, house is disaster, hair is boring, clothes not interesting, no food in fridge, gutter is plugged and spilling water in river onto flowerbed, is 50 degrees outside and raining. in sheets. sideways.
Embarrassing Confession Time:
A dear friend's mum is to visit him and his lovely family starting on Sunday. Last summer when she was here, she remarked on leaving that maybe by the next visit I would have A BOYFRIEND (yes, capital letters and italics). This seemed amusing at the time. However, back in the dark recesses of my subconscious this idea must have seemed somehow realistic, attainable even, and took root there, lurking without my even realizing it. This became noticeable today as I started contemplating her arrival and found myself despondently recollecting her words with a slight Twinge (word borrowed from Hustler today; context: 'felt a Twinge grumpy when I woke up'.) of could it be, despair? Maybe Melancholia would better describe my slight Twinge. Whatever my slight Twinge is today - I am not fond of it. It can leave now.

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